From Michele:
There’s this quote by C.S. Lewis that stated “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” And I love it so much. Many of us, including Fercci, have had to re-start our lives. To take whatever experiences we’ve had, put them behind us and make room for better. Because while you can’t change your past and what happened, you can always change your future. You can always change where you are going to go in life. You got this. Don’t give up. Be inspired by Fercci’s story below.
When Michele contacted me to share my story in Not A Standard Blog, I was excited but a little afraid about opening some parts of my life to the world! Yet, I know that at least one person might feel identified or touched by my story, so I knew I had to shake all that off and let it flow! #wearestrongertogether
I grew up in Venezuela and moved to the states at age 17 on my own. I decided to leave my home after I was a victim of sexual abuse by a family member.
Without really understanding what happened, I went from being a happy teenager to a scared and broken soul. This person did not see me grow up; he just appeared in our lives after I turned 15, and he only visited us a few times since he lives in a different country.
My mother found out about it, but it was too late to make justice since he flew out back home the same day. She did everything she could to try to bring justice to the situation. My father, on the other hand, didn’t believe any of us. He was ashamed of his own family, and really didn’t know how to react, so he preferred to denying it.
Since the situation worsened at home with family fights and sadness, I really wanted to leave. I was offered a position to study ballet abroad (I was trying to become a professional ballet dancer at the time), and this opportunity was a no brainer for me
I packed everything and didn’t look back, or within. Instead of managing my emotional issues and talk about what happened to me, I found that leaving it all behind would be easier and less painful. Of course, this was not a healthy approach, but it was the only solution I saw at that time.
Fast forward a year, I decided to keep pursuing my dream and remain in the states. The unsolved emotions were obviously showing up in many ways in my life. I developed extremely low self-esteem. And I became insecure. I also developed an eating disorder, I was always depressed, trying to stay away from people and trying to fill a void with harmful coping mechanisms.
I also entered a very toxic relationship with a person that used violence as a way to communicate.
Since I didn’t LOVE myself, I put up with it for two long years, thinking that all that happened was normal… that it would get better. This relationship was my wake up call. I then understood that something needed to change.
For years, I’ve worked on tearing apart every single thing that happened in my past to understand it, feel it, and let it go. Embracing the pain and letting go was the most healing thing I could have ever done. Whatever happened was not my fault, and I didn’t have to wait to be fixed by someone else.
Making the decision to run away from my problems, instead of facing them, created more negative outcomes than I ever imagined. I definitely regret not opening this pandora box before. I did not get to become a professional ballerina since I had to leave that career after attaching so many negative emotions to it. If you are pursuing a career around dance, you must have your S#!% together, or you will be broken into pieces every day you step into the studio. Think about it, people daily judge the way you move, your weight, your body… Besides that, to keep up with the long hours of physical and mental work, you need to be focused and really aware of your power.
I had no energy, no light, and no strength to make my heart move to the beat of the music or to the beat of life. After leaving my career, toxic relationships, and unhealthy habits (negative self-talk and bulimia). And I finally found my energy and soul again.
I worked on becoming who I’m today. My name is Cinthia, and I’m a strong, bright, and positive person full of love for life, people, and herself. Today I finally know who I’m, I know where I stand, and although I don’t know what the future will bring, I know that whatever it is with the strength I gathered throughout the years, I will always get where I’m supposed to be.
You are worthy of the best things that you can ever imagine. You are the only one able to allow yourself to shine among all the mud around you. Your past doesn’t dictate who you are now, it’s behind you now, and it’s there only to remind you of your strength. If you are going through a similar situation or any rough patch, remember that burning down or swallowing your emotions can mess with many things in your future. Talk about it, connect with others going through a similar situation, and always remember that you are never alone.
“Nothing goes away until it has taught us what we need to know” – Pema Chodron.
If you would like to connect with me, please do so! I love making new e-friends. You can find me on my IG @AskFercci or visit my website www.askfercci.com
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