From Michele:
They say that in life, we don’t get to choose what happens to us, only how we react. And yet, it’s easier said than done. In the midst of struggling, it’s hard to do “the right thing” and to not be upset, frustrated, and angered by the things that happened to us. It’s only human to feel that way.
So just a little reminder before our story today. Sometimes you just have to be proud of how hard you are trying to do the right thing. And just take it day by day.
Speaking of pain, today, hear from Katie. She’s not only a survivor of sexual assault, but an amazing woman, friend, and mentor for those who are struggling. Read her story of how she was able to get through the pain and find better days.
My journey of self-love has included forgiving others as well as forgiveness for myself. I have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from being sexually assaulted in 2011. If I leave you with anything, I hope it is to choose forgiveness for yourself and others, that what is in the way will illuminate your way, and that you will rebuild stronger than before.
I forgave the person who sexually assaulted me immediately, but it took longer for me to forgive myself.
And I had feelings of shame and worthlessness connected with the sexual assault. I endured much hardship by allowing for those who reinforced these ideas to stay in my life. Forgiving someone who abused you does not mean allowing the abuse to continue; it means overcoming feelings of worthlessness and helplessness by creating boundaries with those who do not respect your inherent dignity and worth. It means taking back your personal power to reestablish your sense of responsibility and control over the circumstances in your life.
Forgiveness means being stronger than the obstacles you have to overcome.
I chose forgiveness to overcome the feelings of injustice I felt from the sexual violence. I am inspired by the quote from Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby that says: “whenever you feel like criticizing anyone… just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.” I frequently remind myself that we all are trying our best with the knowledge we have and our access to opportunity. You heal and forgive for inner peace and as an expression of love for who you are and where you are meant to go in your life. Your way will be illuminated by your obstacles and what you heal will determine how you can best help, serve, and lead.
My personal struggles have guided my academic and professional pursuits.
I started studying the intersection of neuroscience and sociology to overcome my personal symptoms in my everyday life. I founded a Neurosociological research and advocacy company in 2017, Thetis and Themis Inclusive Equanimity, while I was in graduate school. My journey has led me to discuss healing at the United Nations and to studying mental health stigma in graduate school. I would not have started this company or studied stigma if I did not develop PTSD from the sexual assault. I would not have helped the people I have helped if this did not occur. It has made me more understanding, empathetic, and a more courageous person.
Becoming a more courageous person has meant continually rebuilding.
I suffered in silence for years and had eight suicide attempts in the span of five years as a result. I have had to work on self-forgiveness daily to overcome suicidal ideation, stigma, and helplessness. This quote by Mary Anne Radmacher has opened my heart to the meaning of courage in healing, she says, “courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”
Even if you feel like you will never love yourself again, you will. You will rebuild, you will become stronger, and you will inspire others with your courage to keep going. In times of despair, one’s ability to keep going is a source of strength and essential to the improvement of ourselves and others. Healing and rebuilding isn’t only for you, it’s for all the people you impact. Who we are is determined by our resilience to overcome, and I am certain we will overcome, individually and collectively, from all hardship we are willing to face.
Katie