Looking back at my life and of my struggles with anorexia, I’ve had to live my life the best way I could… and oftentimes I had to “edit often.”

It all started when my brother was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes as all the foods that I had normally eaten CHANGED.  At five years old, I saw my brother go from being able to eat anything to being able to eat only “healthy” meals. The types of foods that he ate were limited and the quantity was limited as well.

Meaning, every single night, I saw my mom measure out what he could eat.  Because she was new to everything, she didn’t realize that she could give him more insulin so he could eat more.  Long and behold, he finished many dinners and was still hungry afterwards… my mom always felt guilty for doing what she had done. (She didn’t know better being a parent of a newly diagnosed son.)

Looking back from a five year old’s perspective, I wasn’t quite sure what was going on.  Instead of learning how to eat normally, I was guided to believe that sugar free-foods were better and less food was better than more.  I definitely contribute a lot of my anorexia to the way in which I grew up. But the influence of advertising and magazines didn’t help… I got worse.  And I got caught up in the mentality where I believed low-fat foods were the best to have.

Instead of eating normally, I would skip the snacks at school… and when I got home, I would have one or two of those white and red peppermints for a while.  I felt those were healthier low-fat foods.

As I grew up, I ended up fracturing my foot doing gymnastics in my den after my gymnastics class (my attempt to lose more weight).  After that, I just remember feeling frustrated at myself and upset… leading to another bout of anorexia going into sixth grade. I lost a lot of weight in a summer and had a really hard time being a normal teenager.  I would go into food jags often (as kids do) and oftentimes rely on one or two of the same foods.

Leading me to the next section of my life, senior year of highschool.

To make a long story short, there was a lot that happened in that span of time that shouldn’t have.  My health deteriorated as a result. After trying to work on an outpatient basis, I ended up inpatient in April 2009… a week after visiting the college I decided on.  Inpatient is nothing to be laughed at or joked about… and I know for others without an eating disorder, this sounds crazy.

Inpatient

My first night there, and I was scared enough as it was.  Yet, in the first meeting I had the girl whom I was in there with said she wanted to die.

Waterworks and yelling… that’s all you could hear from the EDU that night.  I was mad, upset, and angry…the last thing you want to do in high school is being inpatient while everyone else is celebrating senior year.  Long story short, but I stayed until I was kicked by health insurance. I wasn’t ready… and to be completely honest, inpatient didn’t help me.

Still went to college in the midst of not being ready and in the midst of my parent’s divorce.  And let’s just end it with the fact that it wasn’t pretty. It was hard being on my own, especially knowing what was and wasn’t going on at home.  Well I did, and there’s another story in between which will be discussed later on (make sure to SUBSCRIBE above).

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Did a second round of inpatient and to make a long story short, I eventually got to graduating (with a BA in biology and nutrition!).  Battle wasn’t done there, though. For many years following, I was outpatient. I fought the system to stay in it, but due to silly guidelines, I was kicked out… left to fend on my own.

This is where everything gets tied into my blog.

I started my blog to bring light into several issues that I had experienced and on a whim of hope.  I was angry about all the things that were occuring behind the scenes and figured if it was happening to me, it was happening to others too.  And while I’m just as passionate about this as before, my blog has changed quite a bit. I’ve now include fashion, food, and home decor, as life isn’t just about food or fitness… it’s about all these things.

So I hope you check my page out and I hope you leave feeling inspired.  But more importantly, I hope that if you are struggling that you keep going despite how uncertain you are of the future.  While it may not always be as “easy,” your life can be better if you take small steps daily… and do your best everyday.

Always, Michele